Mike Abrashoff, former U.S. Navy Captain
Originally published: 02.01.10 by Terry Tanker
Whew, things have been pretty stressful lately, haven’t they? There are signs that better times are ahead, but they are a long way off. So I thought I would take a break from all of the serious management issues I normally write about and have a little fun. A mild warning: Nothing here is more offensive than what you’ll encounter on the nightly news, but if you are easily offended, don’t read on.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the nextdoor neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and returns upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks who was at the door. “It was Bob the next
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story: Not everyone who dumps on you is your enemy; not everyone who gets you out of a messy situation is your friend; and when you’re deep in doo-doo, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
A sales rep, an administrative clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.” The admin clerk says, “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Puff! She was gone. Says the sales rep: “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.” Puff! He was gone. “OK, you’re up,” the genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
An eagle was sitting in a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?” The eagle answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “But I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: BS might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.